Bluebells

The weekend before John died, I was away on a personal development course. On the Sunday afternoon we did a meditation where you imagine walking in the countryside, then entering a wood. We Were told to imagine being one of the plants in the wood. Later we were asked to draw a picture of the meditation. All of the others had imagined being trees. I had imagined being a bluebell. When I was asked why I said I wasn't really sure but I felt it had to do with their being part of a bigger whole. Bluebells are very pretty plants, but their real beauty is when you see a mass of them together. I felt that maybe we were like that, important as individuals but together so very much more. To be honest I felt there was more to it than that but I couldn't explain it.

The next morning, when John was already dead, but I didn't know, I woke with the words from 'Spring' going round and round in my head -

'And oh I love the life within me
I feel a part of everything I see.
And oh I love the life around me
A part of everything is here in me.'

And somehow I knew that was what I had been trying to express in the picture.

A few months later, when it was spring, I was going to a school reunion. I was still thinking of John a great deal of the time and I decided it was time I began to get on with my life. I would not think about him this weekend. It seemed possible as I was visiting the town of my childhood and my life there was the one time I had not known John's music. The train ride up went through endless woods filled with bluebells and in the town I was visiting they were in the parks and flower beds everywhere, too.

At that time I had never seen The Wildlife Concert, though I had looked for it since John had died. I went into a music shop and it was the first thing I saw! Of course I bought it. So it became impossible not to think about John, and somewhere along the line I began to wonder if he had ever seen bluebells, especially as most of his British tours were in the Spring.

A day or two later I wrote this poem.